The basic notion of TalkontheWater is to invite people to a process of dialogue while kayaking.
The main idea behind this is that a change in environment with a supportive and challenging guide can facilitate the process of self-help life change. And it can help to overcome one's own resistance to change.
That's the simple notion. The following discussion gives some more detail:
Everyone normally has a certain resistance to change. Sometimes this resistance helps us keep a consistent lifestyle. Other times when we need to adapt or grow forward this resistance holds us back. At these times our resistance becomes an immunity to change.
One of the key ideas of Talk on the Water is to playfully move to a very different environment for dialogue and growth or transformation. On the water gravity still effects you. But you no longer have your feet on the ground. You no longer have to depend upon your extremities and the solid ground to hold you up. In a few hours or days on the water you will naturally learn to trust your physical center of gravity. With this you begin to develop a very different coordination or poise and harmony with the world around you. Athletes and Martial Artists often learn this ability very early and fairly easily. For the rest of us it takes some time and practice.
That is the natural, intuitive change that comes with being on the water. However our mental and emotional dependencies are not so easily challenged and changed. Even in a counseling or well guided support group we still tend to lock onto problems as outward and perhaps beyond our reach. To try and unlock this difficult habit we seek to move towards a natural and intuitive way of talking about important issues. This moves us away from our habitual, conditioned stance towards a new approach or "intentionality". A new natural physical sensibility can help introduce and activate a new mental coordination and poise. Pairing paddling and talking together may help to overcome our immunity to change.
One of the possibilities of talking to change our stance is literally to change the way we talk before we try to change the things we are talking about. Complaining about others neither recognizes our values and concerns nor does it put the matter before us in such a way that we can effectively do anything about the situation. Tattling and complaining, even when valid, tend to be useless. We can move our approach by taking charge of the way we talk. When we talk from an awareness of our core values with a natural sense of self control we become much more effective in the fluid social world.
That's why paddling and tattling will not do any good. Tattling complains about others and bad situations. That leaves everybody feeling hopeless and helpless. This is how much of counseling and support group work fails. Adding water and a little exercise won't help change that.
In his books, Robert Kegan has given us an excellent introduction to the notion of how we talk. Some of his work brings to light the growth processes hidden inside of us. For instance, The Seven Languages: how the way we talk can change the way we work, provides a reorientation to our world of talk and describes particular skills that are likely to change the way we handle our jobs and relationships. The seven languages are examples of the hundreds of ways of talking in more useful, productive ways.
In future posts I will add more information about principles and practices that will help our personal development in a variety of different ways. I will also add notions of "meta" principles that help us to understand how these processes may fit into our particular developmental levels. For instance: Meta Communication relates to talking about talking. The meta skills help to increase our awareness of hidden intentions and can help us break free from old, ineffective ways of living.
You might want to try talking on the water if you are interested in trying something different than the classroom or counseling office and stepping out of the teacher/student or professional/patient roles. Talkonthewater is intended to be more of a peer to peer experience where you can take the lead much of the time. As you lead I can also guide and offer suggestions, reflections, debriefing, and other perspectives. I offer another set of eyes and ears, and a heart of understanding for your advantage.
We can work with whatever behavioral, ethical, psychological, or spiritual approach you might like to bring. Or I can offer a variety of approaches from any or all of those categories. I am available for meetings in Southern California at Newport Bay, Huntington Harbor, and Naples/Alamitos Bay. Kayak rentals are available in each of these locations.
If you have any questions please contact me at:
talkonthewater@gmail.com
Also, I'll be putting up a FAQ page soon to better describe the legal and ethical aspects of the Talkonthewater relationship
Also, I'll be putting up a FAQ page soon to better describe the legal and ethical aspects of the Talkonthewater relationship
